Finding The Right Parenting Style (Without Losing Yourself)

Finding the Right Parenting Style for Your Child: The Role of Parent Coaching

Let’s begin with a question that might challenge your assumptions:

What does the “right” parenting style mean to you?

When we search for the “right” way, we assume there’s one best approach to parenting—one path that will guarantee success, connection, or peace. And wouldn’t that be simpler? But the trouble with searching for “right” is that it often feels like an itch that never gets scratched. Just when you think you’ve found the answer, new roadblocks emerge.

The pursuit of “right” can keep our nervous systems in a constant state of tension. We become vigilant, perfectionistic, and afraid to make the “wrong” move. And ironically, this state can make it harder to show up in the ways we most want to.

You keep searching. But often, the answer isn’t in finding the perfect method—it’s in pausing long enough to notice what your child is showing you. It’s in the quiet moments of reflection. It’s in the growth of yourself as you grow alongside your kids.

In this article, we are going to discuss how parent coaching can help you adapt and refine your unique parenting style to support your child’s growth.

How Parent Coaching Helps You Identify Your Natural Parenting Style

Our parenting style is first shaped by how we were raised. We learn how to parent through how our parents raised us. We are at a moment in history when many parents are examining previous parenting styles, rooted in control and fear, and wondering how they can shift to styles grounded in connection.

The problem is that it’s not as easy as simply deciding, “I want to adopt this parenting style.” It can feel like an uphill battle to confront the generational patterns of a parenting style and to begin changing how we show up for our kids.

There’s the way we were parented—and then there’s the intention and evolution we bring into developing our own parenting style.

Parent coaching helps you uncover these generational patterns and understand where you came from. This is a powerful starting point because we get to create a ‘coherent narrative,’ which helps reveal to us that we make sense. It helps us understand why, despite our wishes to never yell at our kids, we still do sometimes. It helps us to understand why it is so hard to break cycles and begin cultivating our unique parenting style.

Alongside understanding why our parenting style is where it is, parent coaching also helps us develop goals for where we would like to be in our parenting style. We can then begin to develop a roadmap for achieving those goals, acknowledging the honesty and humility required to face the challenges of parenting.

Even with our growth and change, we never reach ‘perfection’ in the job of parenting. Even with the best goals and a solid roadmap, our parenting style will shift from moment to moment depending on our stress and our capacity. 

For example, when we are stressed from a long day at work, we are more likely to parent from a reactive place than an intentional one. When we believe stories like “this is too hard and I am too tired,” then we are more likely to respond from an overwhelmed place than from an inspired and creative one. Contrast all of this with how you respond on a day when you’re in a great mood, slept the night before, and feel playful and joyful. If we are honest about the nuances of our parenting style, we begin to feel more empowered, moment to moment, instead of trying to get it “right”.

Imagine that your parenting style is less about being classified into one category, but more like the weather, changing day by day and moment by moment. Coaching becomes the support system that helps you anticipate challenges and respond with greater clarity and confidence.

A parent coach can help you:

• Identify what parenting style you were raised with
• Cultivate your unique parenting style from your values
• Develop a road map to help you get there

Coaching fosters self-awareness, encourages deeper reflection, and provides the tools to align your day-to-day parenting with the kind of relationship you want to build with your child.

Adapting Parenting Approaches to Meet Your Child’s Unique Needs

As much as we parents long for simple and “right” answers for this hard job, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Your children and your family are a unique system containing individuals with unique needs, longings, personalities, experiences, and behavior patterns. If you want to develop a parenting style that meets your unique family’s needs, you will need to learn how to understand the deeper layers of a moment, rather than staying on the surface of “right and wrong,” “good,” and “bad” behaviors. You will need to learn how to attune to your family members and offer presence and curiosity in ways that they can receive and collaborate with. There are no shortcuts in this parenting work, and the work is well worth the energy and commitment.

Parent coaching is like having a partner in this complex journey of navigating how to show up for your family in ways that create a positive impact. Working with a coach helps you understand what is happening beneath the surface, where most parenting strategies often fall short. Getting deeper into the layers of the truth of our family helps us to uncover strategies that uphold family values and respect every person.

Historically, many parenting styles stop with “I am the parent, and so I know best.” Many parenting strategies have been rooted in using power over children because adults are naturally given that authority due to life stage and age.

At Jai, we like to confront this power dynamic by exploring this question: How do you use power in your relationship with your child?

• Do you use your power over your child, controlling or dominating?
• Do you allow your child to have power over you, losing your clarity or boundaries?
• Or do you use power with, co-creating a relationship rooted in mutual respect, empathy, and leadership?

We aim for power with here at Jai Institute for Parenting to help us cultivate an Empowered Parenting style. We are not aiming for “perfection” here, whereby we only use power with every moment. There will be many moments as we learn how to have a more balanced power that we will dance between power over and power under styles. It will depend on our moment – our stress level, our capacity for creativity, our nervous system state, and many other factors.

Parent coaching will help you learn more about your unique parenting decision-making factors and how to best support yourself in developing a style that prioritizes your family’s values and your highest goals.

Imagine what is possible…

You yell almost every morning, getting your kids out the door. 

Instead of giving you advice that never seems to help, a parent coach works with you to understand what’s going on for you at that moment. They ask you, “What’s the story you’re telling yourself at that moment?” 

You take a beat, and you realize, “Oh, I am telling myself that my kids are not respecting me, and I am so tired of being responsible for everything.”

You realize: no wonder you yell. It makes so much sense. You dive deeper into understanding what you are feeling and needing in that moment. You realize that there are many strategies you have never thought of before this moment:

• You can set a timer that goes off 10 minutes before it’s time to have extra time for the wiggles and sillies
• You can remind yourself that “I can handle this moment even though it’s hard.”
• You can bring play into the moment to help guide your kids out

Now you have a plan, and you feel empowered to tackle this opportunity next time without collapsing into old strategies of yelling. You sometimes still yell, but the pattern is lightening with time, and you can feel the new strategies getting stronger. You can feel your connection with your children deepening in those moments where you used to lose connection.

Parent coaching can help shine a light, hold the hope, and hold you as you take the journey of transforming generational patterns from patterns of control and fear into patterns of self-responsibility and connection, letting love lead the way.

Managing Discipline in a Positive and Effective Way

The word “discipline” comes with a history of harsh punishments and control strategies. Here at Jai Institute for Parenting, we believe that discipline isn’t about punishment and punitive actions to control a child – it’s about teaching. Teaching takes more effort, time, and energy.

Think of the best teacher you ever had.

What qualities did they embody?

We’re guessing they modeled how to do things with love and encouragement, and took the time to meet you where you were and helped you to build skills. Parenting is no different. Many times, harsh discipline is used as a quick shortcut in parenting. Many of us don’t feel we have the time and energy to put in the time required to teach our kids in positive and effective ways.

When we don’t have the tools required, we revert to what we know how to do—parenting from our generational patterns.

We are going to look at the most common parenting styles, originally outlined by psychologist Diana Baumrind. Notice which styles feel most common to you, both as a child being raised in a style and as a parent now doing the raising.

Authoritative
High warmth, high boundaries.
In this style, parents are responsive and nurturing while holding clear expectations. This style is widely associated with positive developmental outcomes, like strong emotional regulation for your child, self-confidence, and secure attachment.

Authoritarian
Low warmth, high control.
In this style, parents are focused on obedience and often use fear or punishment to manage behavior. Children may comply in the short term but often struggle with self-worth, emotional expression, or independent thinking.

Permissive
High warmth, low boundaries.
In this style, parents are nurturing and accepting but may avoid setting firm limits. This can lead to difficulties with impulse control and responsibility over time, even though the child feels deeply loved.

Neglectful (or Uninvolved)
Low warmth, low boundaries.
In this style, parents are disengaged or inconsistent. This style is associated with greater challenges in emotional, academic, and relational development.

These categories can serve as a useful mirror, but they are not a substitute for a diagnosis. Your history is not your destiny. At Jai Institute for Parenting, we believe that the story of parenting style is more complex and nuanced than any single label.

It is important to realize that sometimes, when we begin this work of cultivating our unique parenting style, we can begin to feel scared to hurt or damage our kids. We begin to prioritize “peace,” and sometimes this means avoiding hard feelings and forgetting the importance of boundaries.

Working with a parent coach can help you in this transition and ensure that you are learning how to stay connected with your kids AND hold boundaries at the same time, so that we don’t slip into accidental patterns of “permissiveness” in the name of connection and positivity.

In fact, this work doesn't simplify parenting. It doesn’t make parenting “easy”. It makes it more effortful for a while as we work to untangle old patterns and learn how to create new patterns. Parent coaches can help to ease the burden, inspire you in the hard moments, and keep you encouraged and motivated through the journey.

Balancing Structure and Nurturing in Your Parenting Style

Authoritative parenting is often regarded as the most balanced style (high warmth and high boundaries). But it’s not about getting the label right. It’s about learning how to show up with a clear, grounded presence that also attunes to your child’s emotional needs.

At Jai Institute for Parenting, we train our coaches to cultivate an Empowered Parenting style. To be an Empowered Parent means to be mindful and intentional, repair when things don’t go as planned, be aware of the nervous system, and cultivate strategies that will deepen trust and connection in your family.

Our Empowered Parenting method shows parents how to: 

• Set boundaries without shaming and punishing 
• Be responsive without overcompensating
• Create consistency without rigidity
• Deepen connection without being permissive 

Jai Institute for Parenting believes in a nuanced and “middle way” approach to parenting that prioritizes connection and boundaries. This balance creates a strong foundation for emotional safety and growth in every family’s home. Parent coaching supports you in refining each of these areas to meet your family’s needs.

Parent Coaching Success Stories: Shifting to a More Effective Parenting Style

Parents who work with our coaches often describe the transformation as profound. They stop operating from fear and start leading from trust. They build stronger bonds, more cooperation, and greater self-awareness.

They report feeling more confident and grounded, experiencing fewer power struggles, and watching their children blossom with more trust and security.

Some of our coaching grads were recently celebrating together in our community about the breakthrough moments they were experiencing working with parents: 

“The mom came to me bawling and feeling like they were losing their 16-year-old son because of his risky behaviors. The advice they were getting from his psychiatrist and state parenting classes was making things worse. Within 4 weeks, both parents felt like they ‘got their son back’. And I’m so proud of how they are showing up even when they engaged in risky behaviors recently. He told them EVERYTHING versus hiding it all from them, and they were able to make an agreement. HUGE win! Working with them is helping me in my own parenting, especially with my teen!”

“The first time a parent made the connection between her fear of giving her children the type of childhood she had and the current grief she was experiencing, her relationship with her children was stunning. It was like watching a person in a basement turn the light on. From that moment, the way she saw herself and the way she saw her children was healthier. Amazingly, every time I witness coaching moments like this, it’s as if another light source is turned on for me, and I see myself and the people in my life more clearly. What a gift!”

“One of my male clients said he is not only relating to his son and his wife differently - he’s now experiencing all of his relationships differently!”

Moments like these remind us that coaching isn’t about tools—it’s about transformation. Each of our coaches touches the lives of families every day. Parent

Coaching is a beautiful way to impact families while you also grow as a parent.

At Jai Institute for Parenting, we are proud of our community of parents and coaches committed to reimagining parenting from a place of connection and unconditional love.

Conclusion: The Power of Parent Coaching in Finding Your Parenting Style

The style you bring to parenting isn’t a fixed identity—it’s a reflection of how you were raised, your values, your environment, and your intentions. Most of us move between styles depending on the moment, the season, or the stress we’re under. Rather than striving for a single “right” way, what matters most is learning how to parent with more awareness, intention, and alignment. Parent coaches can help guide you along that journey as you cultivate your unique parenting style.

We invite you to reflect on your own parenting style, applying what you have learned in this article: 

What parenting style did your caregivers model growing up? How did that shape your beliefs today?

When do you feel most grounded in your parenting? When do you feel most reactive?

How does your parenting style shift at different moments? What is your biggest challenge right now in your parenting? What would you rather that challenging moment be, look like, and feel like?

Instead of striving for the “right” style, we can begin to ask a more expansive question:

What kind of relationship do I want to have with my child?

This question leads us to something more fluid and adaptive than labels. Parenting becomes less about choosing a style and more about making values-based decisions from moment to moment.

Here are three reflection points to help guide your alignment:

1. Start with Self-Awareness
What patterns did you grow up with? What felt supportive to you and what didn’t?
The more we understand our own conditioning, the more consciously we can choose which parts to carry forward and which to transform. 

2. Tune in to Your Relationship
Your child is not a theory or a category. They are a living, changing, growing person. The more we listen—really listen—the more we learn how to support them as they are, not as we wish them to be. 

3. Let Your Values Lead
When things get hard (as they will), it helps to return to your values. What matters most to you? Is it respect? Honesty? Connection? Growth? Let that guide your responses more than the fear of making mistakes.

If you’re ready to learn how to lead with clarity, compassion, and trust, the Jai Institute for Parenting can help you get there. Jai’s Parent Coach Certification Program gives you the tools, insights, and support you need to transform your parenting—and your life.

Explore our program and discover what becomes possible when you align your parenting with presence, purpose, and the tools to truly lead with love.

Meet Your Author, Marissa Goldenstein

Marissa Goldenstein, a Jai Certified Master Parent Coach, is devoted to guiding parents toward mindfulness and joy in their parenting journey. Marissa demonstrates a proven commitment to innovative education, having a history as a co-founder of a visionary elementary school that focused on cultivating changemakers through curiosity, connection, and community. Leveraging her MBA and an MA in Experimental Psychology, she seamlessly integrates both business and human development insights into her coaching practice.

Beyond coaching, Marissa embraces mindfulness in her own parenting alongside her partner and their two sons, engaging in family dance parties and adventurous learning experiences whenever possible. http://marissagoldenstein.com