Imagine a career path where you witness the transformation of a family system before your very eyes. A rewarding act of service that provides you both financial sustainability and significant purpose and meaning.
Parent coaching is heart-centered work that uplifts both the client and the coach simultaneously. But what is it exactly?
“We believe the more peace a parent has within, the more easily they can access tools of peace in their parenting practice.” – Jai Institute for Parenting
What Is a Parent Coach?
A parent coach is a professionally trained guide, teacher, and champion for parents who long for more inner peace in their parenting.
We believe the more peace a parent has within, the more easily they can access tools of peace in their parenting practice. The more tools of peace a parent has, the safer their children feel, and the more emotionally regulated, resilient, and joyful the entire family system becomes.
Parent coaches support parents both internally and externally. As more inner peace and understanding is cultivated, we support parents to shift their action-oriented tool box as well.
Here at The Jai Institute for Parenting, our parent coaches-in-training are prepared to witness clients as they move from dependency on strategies of control, manipulation, and shame-based techniques – towards embracing techniques rooted in respect, empathy, secure attachment and conscious communication. We guide parents to begin implementing developmentally appropriate strategies and expectations for their unique child and family.
The dominant parenting paradigm which most of us were raised in is based in fear of not having control over our inner world, our children’s becoming, and the certainty of future outcomes. Let’s break this down piece by piece.
FEAR Based Parenting vs. Compassion for Fear Based Parenting
FEAR Based Parenting
F: Follow my orders, now! Or else expect punishment or consequence.
E: Expectations of child’s behaviors are not developmentally appropriate or fair. Treat every child the same with a one-size-fits-all approach.
A: Accept my rules without pushback, backtalk, or questions. There is one voice in this house!
R:
Respect me, I am your elder! This means obey me, morph yourself to my will, and hand over your autonomy and power.
Compassion for Fear Based Parenting
What cannot be emphasized enough is that our Jai Institute trained parent coaches are equipped with the conscious parent coaching model which centers around the parent instead of the child. This means that we support our clients and our students to understand the “why beneath the (parent's!) behavior” not the child's.
Why do you parent your children from a place of dominance, fear tactics, and behavioral control?
What within you as the parent needs tending, maturation, skill building, and ultimately, release?
If our clients find themselves steeped in FEAR based parenting, they will not be judged as bad or wrong. We understand that no human being on earth develops into optimal self-actualization and expression through shame, judgment, and condemnation.
Finally, parent coaches offer a place where a parent can speak honestly about their real, raw joys and celebrations, as well as their pain points that must evolve.
We support parents to bring awareness here with grace and mercy. There are no sledgehammers breaking down unhealthy patterns at all costs! We move slowly, intentionally, and force-less-ly as we soften cycles of disconnection. Generational patterns become conscious and our clients gain the space to choose how they would like to proceed as the empowered leaders of their family unit.
Deconditioning FEAR Within the Parent
Let’s revisit the FEAR analogy from above from a parent-centric lens. We understand that the way we were parented as children, becomes the ways in which we relate to ourselves. If you were raised in a FEAR based model, consider how you are currently operating from this framework within yourself.
F: I fear saying no to someone’s demand or request. If I do, they may become angry or disappointed with me. I cannot tolerate that stress. I say yes to keep the peace.
E: I place absurdly high expectations on myself. My best is simply not good enough. Even when I “succeed,” I don’t feel it. It’s never enough.
A: My voice is hidden and even stuck in my throat. I go silent when I need to voice my opinion, idea, desire, or need. Or, my voice is chronically desperate to be heard and I find myself overpowering people in my life.
R:
I don’t truly understand love or respectful intimacy. So much of my love within myself and others is conditional, transactional, or rooted in control and scarcity.
This is the work of what parent coaches explore with their clients.
And yes, along the way, tools and techniques to help a 3 year old potty train, or conversation tips with a tween, will happen, too! When the parent is using tools and techniques from more self-connectedness, awareness, and esteem, the tools work.
The groundwork for successful implementation of parenting tools is the connection, intimacy, and security of attachment within the parent.
Success can still happen without these three components perfectly embodied in the parent. And yet, imagine how much more flow, ease, and resiliency we can have through tough moments in our parenting with these components intact?
What Is Child Centric Parent Coaching?
What separates parent-centric coaching from child-centric coaching is our understanding that the parent is the ultimate tool. The relationship between the parent and child determines the success of any other behavioral management, or skill teaching.
An example can be a child who feels anxiety during transitions from home to the outer world. A child centric approach would begin with trying to understand the “why” behind the child’s anxiety. Are they nervous because they don’t know what to expect? Can the parent support the child by cuddling up with them the night before and talking to them about what to expect the next day? Or, maybe the child remembers the last time they went out, the environment was very crowded and noisy and overwhelming. The child fears they will feel all of those uncomfortable sensations again, but can’t communicate it to the parent.
A parent centric approach begins with the parent. We do not disregard trying to understand the child’s experience, or workshopping innovative and creative strategies to support the child to feel safe, secure, and confident. This is essential! And, we begin with us, first.
Let’s take the same scenario from the parent’s perspective.
What is it like for them to witness their child’s anxiety? How does the parent respond? What does the parent say? What does this bring up for the parent? What generational patterns are present here, consciously or not?
Once the parent has a bit more clarity and self connection in their role as leader, they also have more space to receive tips and tricks to connect successfully with their child.
The Future is Parent Centric
Jai parent coaches are fueled with clarity that the way to transform a family is to begin by supporting the parent. When a parent has more self awareness, self compassion and connection, and more skills, we will move away from hyperfocusing on managing our children’s behavior and development. This gives children the space they need to develop their own self awareness and self correction.
Conscious, peaceful parenting begins with ourselves as adults.
Meet Your Author, Rebecca Lyddon, Director of Education & Master Trainer
Rebecca is propelled by a vision whereby she sees children being cared for by adults who are wise, healthy, free, creative, strong, brave, and bold. As a Social Worker, Waldorf Educator, Astrologer, 5Rhythms dancer, Playback Theater practitioner, and lifelong child advocate, Rebecca is thrilled to integrate all of her skills as a certified Parent Coach and Group Trainer.
When Rebecca is not engrossed in deep soul work, she is laughing, dancing, singing and celebrating her life with her beloved, and their two children in Lawrence, Kansas.
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