Raising children can be a process full of happiness, love, motivation, and inspiration. But even the most cared-for children with the most well-intentioned parents can show behaviors that pose tremendous challenges.
Traditional parenting methods put adults in a position of dominance over children, creating disconnection, resentment, and low self-esteem that can follow little ones throughout the course of their lives. Empowered peaceful parenting works to restore connections between parents and children. With a stronger sense of trust, power over dynamics are no longer required to shift challenging behaviors. Instead, there is mutual respect that grows between the child and parent, resulting in cooperation without arbitrary reinforcements to manipulate behaviors.
With more collaborative interactions, parents and caregivers can feel confident in their position to communicate and connect with their children.
At the Jai Institute for Parenting, we use the P.E.A.C.E. process to identify the core foundations that can help you feel empowered as a parent, parenting coach, care provider, or teacher. This type of parenting help can assist with forming and restoring bonds, which can contribute to the improved mental health and secure relationship of all parties involved. Let’s take a closer look at what that entails.
Being Present
How often do you actually look your child in the eyes when you remind them to start their homework or put their toys away? Social media, work obligations, and constant access to texts, emails, chats, and news through our smartphones pull our attention in a million directions. This can make it difficult to be present in the moment with family, but presence is empowering.
By being aware of where your focus is, choosing to offer your undivided attention, and setting an intention to be fully present, you can connect with them on a different level and momentarily let go of all the adult distractions (that will still be waiting for you). With a more mindful approach, you create a sense of safety for your child, which allows them to be authentic and open with you.
Showing Empathy
Empowered parenting includes a commitment to healthy, emotional connections. Developing empathy for yourself, your feelings, and your mistakes requires increasing your own self-compassion and practicing self-forgiveness. If you grew up being blamed for any problem, you will most likely have a strong inner critic that requires consistent self-love and empathy. Caring for your own inner critic makes it easier to offer empathy to your child.
Showing empathy toward children indicates that you are listening, attuned, and willing to honor your child’s internal experience. When you show children that you’re emotionally available for them, they have an easier time coming out of their shells and opening up to you about their feelings. This is another relationship tool that provides a deep sense of safety to your child. Empathy allows you to be the strong support system your child needs to thrive.
Acknowledging the Truth
As a parent, it can be extremely difficult to separate your own wishes, hopes, and expectations from the child who is in front of you. Perhaps you wish your child was more outgoing. Maybe you hoped for your child to love music the same way you do. Or you expect your child to achieve academic success.
Beliefs about who your child “should” be or “could” be cloud your perception of who your child actually is. Utilizing information about stages of brain development, observing your child without labels or judgment, and recognizing when you are imposing your beliefs on your child are important steps to take in acknowledging what is real and true for your child.
In her book The Peaceful Parenting (R)evolution, founder of the Jai Institute for Parenting Kiva Schuler describes a difficult transition in her son’s teenage years: “He started having panic attacks and insomnia. And I, it breaks my heart to say, pushed harder. … His brain was under assault, and I have to own that my interactions with him were the perpetrator. … When I stopped applying pressure, his anxiety and worry calmed down.”
When you grow into trusting your child and understanding their authentic experience, you can surrender control that could unintentionally lead to harmful interactions. Acknowledging the truth of who your child is, opens up endless opportunities to let them thrive in their own unique way.
Prioritizing Communication
Traditional parenting leans heavily on unilateral communication. One extreme is “Because I said so,” while the other end of the spectrum is “Do whatever you want.”
Empowered peaceful parenting brings the parent and child together through open, considerate, and vulnerable communication.
Conscious communication is based on a fundamental belief that everyone deserves to be seen and heard, and everyone’s core needs are valid. Using active and reflective listening as a parent gives your child the space to fully express their side of the story, their feelings behind what happened, and what needs they were trying to fulfill.
Peaceful parenting includes communicating boundaries, with love and firmness, but without harmful blame, shame, dismissal, or invalidation. As an adult, you still get to (and must) make important decisions to keep your child safe and healthy, and to honor your family values. The way you communicate, and the way you accept and navigate your child’s reactions, create a family environment of cooperation.
Exploring Collaborative Solutions
Is there a magic switch that flips when your child turns 18 that enables them to be creative problem-solvers? If only it were that easy! Children need lots of practice throughout their childhood to develop healthy conflict-resolution skills. Every sibling squabble or family disagreement can be an opportunity to model how to solve problems, cooperate with each other, and coexist in a family where everyone matters.
As your child grows, you get to hand over increasing responsibility and autonomy. When your child is very young (under the age of 7) you might offer two acceptable options, and let your child decide which one to choose. As your child gets older (especially 8 to 13 years old) he or she might offer two possible solutions and you decide together what works best. Eventually, the goal is for your child to be independent in resolving problems, knowing your guidance is available as they need it. You can imagine: this is a lifelong process!
Teaching the Importance of Peaceful Parenting
Whether you have children of your own at home and want to learn a new method of parenting or you’re interested in adding new skills and expertise to your current career, parent coaching is the path to consider.
The Jai Institute for Parenting uses a parent coaching model that follows the P.E.A.C.E. process, so you can teach other parents, teachers, and caregivers alike a new approach to understanding children and forming quality relationships based on trust.
Becoming a strong and compassionate parent starts with opening your mind to empowered parenting methods. With our digital learning modules and web-based group meetings, you can help transform your clients into the parents and caregivers they want to be.
Are you ready to learn more about peaceful parenting and becoming a parent coach? Access Jai's
free Peaceful Parenting course now.
Meet Your Author, Allyn Miller
Allyn Miller is a Master Certified Parent Coach and owner of Child Connection. Her mission is to help exhausted moms thrive in every tantrum or meltdown, whether it’s their child’s or their own.
She is surprisingly funny (and emotional) despite her background as an accountant. Her sense of humor kept her going through years of classroom teaching. These days her clients rave about her listening skills and the unique way she breaks down big concepts into doable actions.
When not celebrating “aha” moments with her clients, you can find this chocoholic mama splashing in the ocean waves near her home in Weston, Florida… or snuggling on the couch with her husband and two kids watching the latest Pixar movie.
Website: www.child-connection.com
IG: @child_connection
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