Parenting Styles That Support Emotional Growth

Parenting isn’t just about managing behavior; it’s about shaping the emotional world of another human being. The way we parent shapes not just how our children behave, but how they become.

Every interaction we have with our children leaves a footprint, not only on their development but on their sense of safety, self-worth, and emotional intelligence. As parents, we often ask: Am I doing this right? or How do I know what my child truly needs? Understanding how parenting styles affect emotional growth can offer clarity, confidence, and direction.

In this article, we’ll explore how various parenting approaches support (or hinder) emotional development, and how parent coaching can help you move beyond autopilot into an intentional and responsive relationship with your child.

Understanding the Link Between Parenting Styles and Emotional Development

Much of what we call "behavior" in children is really communication. Beneath the tantrums and seemingly disobedient outbursts are emotional messages that children may not yet have the tools to express. Our parenting style becomes the lens through which we interpret these messages, and the map for how our children come to understand themselves.

Researchers have long studied the connection between parenting styles and developmental outcomes. The most commonly referenced model, developed by psychologist Diana Baumrind and expanded by others, describes four primary parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, uninvolved, and authoritative. Each has a distinct impact on a child’s emotional and relational development. 

It is very common for parents to oscillate between different styles depending on their nervous system state and what is happening when a challenging behavior occurs. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and tired from your day, you are going to be less tolerant of annoying behaviors than when you are well-rested and more emotionally available. 

As you review these four key parenting styles, notice which style you most resonate with and which others are also familiar in different moments: 

Authoritarian

High control, low warmth.

At Jai, we refer to this as a “Power Over” style. Parents using this approach often lead with authority, expecting obedience and compliance without question. The focus tends to be on managing behavior rather than understanding the emotional experience behind it.

This style can arise from cultural norms, past trauma, or fear that a child’s misbehavior reflects poorly on the parent. Many parents fall into this style not because they are unkind, but because it was the model they received. 

The Authoritarian Parenting lens for how we see behaviors looks like:

• Parents know best; children should follow without question.
  
  
• Behavior is seen as a reflection of character ("If you do something bad, you are bad").
  
  
• Obedience is prioritized over emotional expression or connection.

The Authoritarian Parenting toolkit includes:

• Punishments and rewards to control behavior.
  
  
• Shame-inducing language like “Why would you do that?” or “You know better than that.”
  
  
• Strict rules with little room for discussion or negotiation.
  
  
• A high value on respect from the child, but little modeling of respect for the child.

While children raised in authoritarian households may learn to comply outwardly, they often do so from fear, not trust. Over time, this can erode self-worth, reduce emotional expression, and lead to either hyper-compliance or rebellion, depending on the child’s temperament. Emotional intelligence is not modeled or nurtured, leaving children unsure how to navigate emotions with clarity or compassion.

Permissive

Low control, high warmth.

At Jai, we often refer to this as a “Power Under” approach, where parents are deeply attuned and loving, but struggle to hold boundaries or follow through on limits. This often stems from a desire to avoid conflict or from wounds around being controlled themselves as children.

Many permissive parents are deeply loving, but may have experienced control or criticism in their own upbringing and overcorrect in response. They may have also had parents who couldn’t tolerate big feelings, and accommodated them to keep them happy.

The Permissive Parenting lens for how we see behaviors looks like:

• Children’s feelings take priority over structure or boundaries. This often overwhelms the child who seeks leadership from the adults to feel safe and held.
  
  
• All behavior has a reason, and that reason must be accommodated.
  
  
• Avoiding upset is seen as preserving connection.

The Permissive Parenting toolkit includes:

• Over-validation without guidance: “It’s okay, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
  
  
• Giving in after protests or meltdowns to preserve peace.
  
  
• Difficulty with consistent routines or follow-through.

Children raised in permissive homes may feel deeply loved but struggle with frustration tolerance, limit setting, and resilience. They often lack clear internal boundaries and may feel overwhelmed by too much autonomy too soon.

Neglectful (Uninvolved)

Low control, low warmth.

This style is often unintentional and driven by parental overwhelm, mental health challenges, or lack of support. Parents in this category may not be emotionally or physically present enough to guide or connect with their children in consistent ways. Parents in this category are not uncaring. They are doing the best they can with the capacity and resources they have. 

The Neglectful Parenting lens for how we see behaviors looks like:

• Children are expected to self-manage without support.
  
  
• Emotional needs are seen as excessive or inconvenient.
  
  
• Behavior is ignored or dismissed unless it becomes disruptive.

The Neglectful Parenting toolkit includes:

• Minimal engagement or supervision.
  
  
• Lack of emotional attunement or curiosity.
  
  
• Reactivity when pushed past tolerance, followed by withdrawal.

Children raised in neglectful environments often feel emotionally alone. They may become hyper-independent or develop behaviors that signal distress (acting out, withdrawing, overachieving) in an attempt to get attention or regain a sense of belonging.

Authoritative

High control, high warmth.

This is the style most aligned with Jai’s Empowered Parenting model. We commonly refer to this style as “Power With” Parenting. Authoritative (or Power With) parenting integrates clear boundaries with a deep connection. It acknowledges children’s needs and emotions while guiding them with consistency and compassion.

The Authoritative Parenting lens for how we see behaviors looks like:

• Behavior is a communication of underlying needs.
  
  
• Children are inherently good and doing the best they can.
  
  
• We are the leaders of the home, not the bosses.

The Authoritative Parenting toolkit includes:

• Boundaries that are communicated clearly and held with empathy.
  
  
• Emotional coaching and co-regulation during hard moments.
  
  
• Consequences that teach, not punish (e.g., collaborative repair, problem-solving).

Children raised in this environment tend to develop strong emotional intelligence, secure attachment, and the ability to navigate life with both courage and consideration for others. Over time, these children develop the internal compass to lead themselves with both strength and compassion.

These categories aren’t fixed labels, but helpful frameworks. Most parents move fluidly between styles depending on stress levels, past conditioning, and the unique temperament of the child. Awareness of your dominant tendencies is the first step toward making empowered shifts.

If you're still exploring what kind of parent you want to be or how to move beyond the patterns you grew up with, our previous article, “Finding the Right Parenting Style Without Losing Yourself”, dives deeper into how your upbringing, values, and identity intersect with the way you parent.

Pairing these two reflections can help you build both self-awareness and a clear direction for the kind of emotional legacy you want to leave.

Which Parenting Styles Foster Emotional Intelligence?

The authoritative style, or what we call Power With parenting, offers the richest soil for emotional intelligence to grow. When children feel both nurtured and guided, their brains are more likely to develop the neural pathways that support empathy, impulse control, and social awareness.

Let’s break this down: 

• Warmth (Connection): Children need to feel secure, seen, soothed, and safe. Emotional attunement wires the brain for connection and resilience. Parents show up with warmth and presence as they attend to their children’s feelings, needs, and longings. When the parent makes a mistake by reacting or responding with power, they repair and model how to take accountability. 

• Structure (Containment): Boundaries help children feel secure. Limits communicate love when delivered with calm clarity, not control. Parents clearly define their family values and use them as a guide for boundaries, both modeling how to live from these values and also guiding their kids when the values are not being followed. 

• Autonomy Support: Encouraging choice and agency within limits supports problem-solving and self-trust. Parents understand what is developmentally appropriate for their kids and slowly work towards autonomy. This takes patience, guidance, and dedication to allow our kids to practice and build skills over time. 

By contrast, harsh or neglectful environments can activate a child’s stress response system. Chronic stress or fear impairs emotional growth and limits a child’s ability to learn from their mistakes. Emotional intelligence requires a nervous system that feels safe enough to reflect, not just react.

The Role of Empathy and Communication in Parent Coaching

Empathy isn’t a soft skill, it’s a developmental necessity for our world today. Children who are met with empathy learn to name and navigate their internal experiences. They feel seen, not just managed. And when a child feels seen, their nervous system relaxes, and their brain becomes more receptive to learning, growth, and connection.

In parent coaching, empathy isn’t about being permissive or “letting kids off the hook;” it’s about staying connected enough to guide with clarity and compassion. Coaches help caregivers recognize the difference between reacting from fear and responding from presence. This distinction changes everything.

For example, let’s imagine your child is starting to whine. Maybe that’s your trigger. And you’re really tempted to say: “stop whining”. You want to shut it down. The problem is that it overlooks the reason why the child is whining in the first place. It ignores the deeper layers beneath the behavior that are asking to be seen and connected with.

Then over time, you learn how to have empathy for your child, and you begin to say: “I hear you’re frustrated. That makes sense. I am here with you.” After a few minutes of crying, they accept and move on. You didn’t need to change the boundary. You didn’t need to solve the problem. Instead, you offered a warm, empathetic presence. 

Instead of behavior charts and consequences, coaching supports tools like:

• Reflective listening: helping a child feel heard before problem-solving begins.
  
  
• Emotional validation: recognizing the feeling underneath the behavior, not just the behavior itself.
  
  
• Co-regulation: staying calm and grounded enough to help your child return to center, even in hard moments.

Effective communication is at the heart of emotionally supportive parenting. It’s not just what we say, but how we say it—and whether our child feels safe enough to hear us.

Rather than lectures or punishments, parent coaching helps shift the language at home toward trust and collaboration:

• "I can see this is really hard for you. Want to tell me more?"
  
• "Your feelings make sense. Let's work through this together."
  
• "You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be honest."

These seemingly small phrases do more than soothe—they reshape the emotional climate of the home. They build neural pathways for self-awareness, accountability, and resilience.

Ultimately, empathy and communication don’t just help children behave better. They help children feel better, and that’s what allows them to thrive.

The Impact of Harsh vs. Nurturing Parenting Approaches

It’s common for parents to default to control-based tools when overwhelmed. But science shows that harsh discipline, shaming, and emotional withdrawal don’t create long-term behavioral change, they create internalized fear and disconnection. 

Knowing this doesn’t mean you will be able to flip a switch and easily change your style. For many of us who grew up in harsh and control-based environments, it’s hard to parent in another style. It’s inevitable that at times, we will be harsh with our kids. The authoritarian parenting style is closely tied to being in a nervous system state of fight/flight.

That means that when we see certain behaviors from our kids that weren’t allowed for us when we were kids, we get activated and see it as a threat. Our nervous system responds, patterns take over, and we react harshly to control our kids just as our parents tried with us. 

Parenting by default is generational and subconscious until we seek to understand our patterns and slowly begin to change them with intentionality. 

Nurturing parenting approaches often require commitment and dedication if you didn’t experience it as a child. And it is well worth the energy and time. These styles allow our children to be seen and heard and create deep connections in the home.

Children from this style are more naturally collaborative and willing to listen and respect their parents because they have received reciprocal respect. 

Nurturing approaches do not mean permissiveness. They involve boundaries that are rooted in the parent-child relationship rather than fear. For example:

• Instead of "Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about," try: "It’s okay to have big feelings. I’m here with you."
• Instead of "Because I said so!" try: "I know this is hard, and I’m still going to hold the limit."

These nurturing responses model self-regulation, build trust, and reinforce your child’s sense of being safe, even when things are hard.

How Parent Coaching Helps Parents Cultivate Emotional Intelligence in Their Children

Parent coaching provides a bridge between research and real life. It is one thing to understand what you are supposed to do in your parenting, and it’s another thing to actually do it. That’s because parenting patterns are rooted in the nervous system and take time to rewire and develop. 

Parent coaching helps turn good intentions into action. It bridges the gap between knowing what to do and being able to do it—especially in the hard moments. It helps parents unlearn generational patterns and learn new skills for supporting emotional development. 

At the Jai Institute for Parenting, we guide parents and coaches to:

• Understand the developmental science behind behavior
• Practice regulation tools for themselves and their kids
• Shift language patterns that build connection over compliance
• Hold boundaries with compassion, not control
• Create home cultures that support authenticity, trust, and repair

We have heard time and time again how transformational Jai’s program is for parents. 

Parent coaching isn’t about being perfect. It’s about becoming more present, curious, and connected. Coaching doesn’t just teach you what to do—it helps you become the kind of parent you want to be, even when it’s hard.

Tips for Adapting Your Parenting Style for a More Supportive Environment

If you recognize yourself in a style that isn’t serving your child’s emotional growth, there is no need to judge yourself. Awareness is the gateway to transformation. Be compassionate with yourself and understand that it is really hard to change your parenting style, AND it is 100% possible. 

Here are a few tips for evolving your style:

1- Reflect on Your Roots: Ask yourself, "What was modeled for me growing up? What do I want to carry forward, and what do I want to reimagine?" The more clearly you can see your past and imagine your future, the closer you will get to being the type of parent you want to be. 

2- Regulate Before You Respond: Emotional safety starts with the parent’s nervous system. When your child triggers you, take a breath. Notice your triggers. Choose presence. You will make mistakes here. Be patient with yourself and keep trying. 

3- Set Boundaries Before You’re Yelling: Boundaries are not the opposite of connection; they’re an expression of it. Hold limits with calm confidence. Set boundaries proactively and with intention. Know your family values. Live by the values and guide your kids to do the same. When you need to set boundaries, allow your children to have their feelings while holding the boundary. They can be upset, and we can be compassionate, even while saying no to their request. 

4- Validate Before You Educate: Children learn best when they feel understood. Empathy opens the door to guidance. Before you make a correction, understand why they made the choice they did and show them that you understand their good intention.

5- Model Repair: When you miss the mark (and you will, again and again), own it. Apologize. Show your child that relationships grow stronger through honesty and accountability. 

6- Get Support When You Need It: You don’t have to rewire your parenting alone. Whether it’s a coach, a support group, or a trusted friend, community helps us grow with accountability and compassion.

7- Make Sense of Your Childhood and Work to Reparent Yourself: When we make sense of our childhoods, we access more agency for how we want to parent. We can learn to reparent parts of ourselves that are struggling to show up. For example, when we become aware of the younger parts of us that feel unsafe setting limits or being ‘mean,’ we can meet those parts with love and re-parent ourselves as we parent our kids.

Above all, remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. We are all imperfect human beings. And we can learn skills, work towards our goals, and begin to heal the world by healing ourselves and parenting from intention and connection.

The Power of Parent Coaching in Emotional Development

Your parenting style shapes not only how your child behaves, but how they feel about themselves, about others, and about the world.

Parent coaching offers more than strategies. It offers a path to healing, presence, and relational integrity. When you learn to meet your child’s needs without abandoning your own, you create a home where emotional intelligence can thrive.

We invite you to reflect: What kind of emotional legacy do you want to leave?

You don’t have to change overnight. And you don’t have to do it alone.

The journey starts with awareness, continues with intention, and is sustained by support.

Let that be the heart of your parenting style: compassionate, evolving, and rooted in love.

As Brené Brown writes, “Who we are is how we lead.” These words remind us that parenting is not a performance—it’s a reflection of our inner world. When we lead with humility, curiosity, and courage, our children learn not just how to behave, but how to be. They learn that love includes boundaries, that mistakes are repairable, and that growth is always possible.

So if you’re wondering what parenting style supports emotional growth, start with the one that starts with you, rooted in presence, evolving with intention, and aligned with the kind of future you want to create.



Being a perfect parent will never exist, however, we strive to put all our efforts into breaking generational patterns and being emotionally attuned to our children. You can join us on this mission and be part of Jai’s Transformational Parent Coaching Program and offer your children the gift of cycle breaking.

Meet Your Author, Marissa Goldenstein

Marissa Goldenstein, a Jai Certified Master Parent Coach, is devoted to guiding parents toward mindfulness and joy in their parenting journey. Marissa demonstrates a proven commitment to innovative education, having a history as a co-founder of a visionary elementary school that focused on cultivating changemakers through curiosity, connection, and community. Leveraging her MBA and an MA in Experimental Psychology, she seamlessly integrates both business and human development insights into her coaching practice.

Beyond coaching, Marissa embraces mindfulness in her own parenting alongside her partner and their two sons, engaging in family dance parties and adventurous learning experiences whenever possible. http://marissagoldenstein.com