Many professionals face a tricky question: "What do you do if a friend thinks you are judging them?" Nobody wants to go for dinner with their friend the dietician, discuss their marriage issues with their friend the couples therapist, or yell at their kids in front of you, their friend the peaceful parenting coach.
As a parenting coach, your entire ethos revolves around fostering
empowered communication and nurturing connections between parents and their children. You're not in the business of judgment; you're in the business of support.
Sadly, we live in a culture that often approaches parenting concerns from a place of condemnation, so it’s easy to imagine why people in our lives might fear our critique, especially when our personal lives intersect with our professional insights.
Navigating this delicate balance can be challenging, but with thoughtful communication, genuine openness, and a touch of humor, you can reaffirm your relationships and dispel any lingering doubts. Here are some steps that may help.
Reflect on Your Conversations
The first step in understanding your friends' concerns is to genuinely reflect on how you discuss your work. While you might be excitedly sharing a new technique or methodology, it might inadvertently come across as prescriptive advice to a friend.
Subtle changes in how we phrase our insights can make a world of difference. Instead of saying, "Parents should always...", consider framing it as, "In my line of work, I've seen some parents benefit from...". This distinction respects individuality and emphasizes your role as a supportive guide rather than an all-knowing authority.
Parents' struggles are universal, and if you talk about them in a way that includes understanding, empathy, and humility, your friends will be less likely to think you would judge them.
Address Their Fears
If a friend directly or indirectly hints that they feel judged, it's vital to hear their concern and be willing to address it directly. Sweeping it under the rug will only allow misconceptions to fester.
- Approach the topic with empathy and a genuine desire to understand their perspective.
- Ask open-ended questions and practice reflective listening so that you can really hear where their fears stem from.
- Be open to hearing how you may have inadvertently contributed to this misunderstanding.
An open heart and genuine desire to understand and connect will pave the way for a constructive conversation.
Keep It Real
While your role as a peaceful parent coach equips you with tools and insights, it's essential to remind friends (and yourself!) that no one is perfect, including you, and that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Share stories of your parenting misadventures, times when you lost your temper or moments you wish you could redo. It's these shared experiences that make you relatable and trustworthy.
If you sense that a friend is feeling uncomfortable or defensive, lightening the mood with a relatable parenting moment of your own ‘failings’ can remind them that everyone, including professionals, has their off days. This honest, open approach not only diffuses tension but also showcases your own humanity.
Reaffirm Your Role
Remind your friends that your job is about supporting and equipping parents to find their path, not setting a standard. Your work doesn't involve judgment but collaboration. By emphasizing your purpose, you can subtly assure them that just as you don't judge your clients, you don't judge your friends.
You can also remind them that you came to this work through your desire to have a deeper connection and less conflict in your relationships with your children (or whatever the specifics of your own story are).
When you’re with your friends, do your best to be in the role of a friend. This will allow your friendship to remain prioritized.
Watch Your Own Judgements
While this might be a harder pill to swallow, introspection is crucial. Reflect upon your attitudes and beliefs. If you find yourself mentally critiquing other parents (whether they're strangers or friends), it's a sign you need to recenter. Holding onto judgmental attitudes, even subconsciously, can affect your interactions and reinforce your friends' fears.
Relationships, like parenting, require continuous effort, understanding, and open communication. If friends feel you're judging them based on your profession, see it as an opportunity for growth and strengthening ties. You can bridge any perceived divide by listening actively, using humor, being authentic, and ensuring that your conversations and attitude reflect your non-judgmental ethos.
Remember, at the heart of peaceful parenting is connection — and that principle applies just as much to your friendships as it does to your professional engagements.
If you would like to know more about what being a parent coach is (and isn’t), check out our
FREE Ultimate Guide to Peaceful Parenting here now!
Meet Your Author, Katie Owen
Jai Business Coach & Marketing Mentor
As a former practicing therapist turned copywriter and marketing strategist, Katie is passionate about the intersection of marketing and mindset. Katie embodies the practices of taking the simple actions, consistently over time, that create epic results.
A master storyteller, Katie works with our coaches to refine their message, increase their visibility and get clients!
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