Perfect Parenting Isn't Possible: What We Can Do Instead

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. There are only human parents. Our job as parents is to help show our kids how to be human, not how to be perfect.

We are going to make mistakes as parents - a lot of them.  And guess what?

That is OKAY.

What matters is what we do after we make a mistake. When we get triggered, and we say or do something that we don’t like or feel guilty about, that is an opportunity to model to our kids how to embrace humility and step into our responsibility. We get to show our kids how to repair after making a mistake.

It is through watching our imperfect moments that our kids will learn how to be imperfect and how to fall and get back up again.

The best gift we can give our kids to help them embrace imperfection and be human is resilience. The research is clear that when children feel accepted, safe, seen and held in hard moments, and soothed by their parents, they develop resilience to go out into the world.

Resilience is not developed by shame, punishments, and harsh critiques. It’s developed by having room to mess up and the opportunity to practice and learn skills. It’s developed by having parents and a community that will hold you when you fall.

A Closer Look at Providing The Key Element: Secure Attachment

It can be so hard to offer your child something that you never got. Maybe your childhood was harder than most, and it’s challenging to believe that you can offer security to your own kids.

Your ability to provide security isn’t limited by how hard your childhood was.

Your ability to provide security to your kids is influenced by…

• How you have made sense of your childhood.
• Taking the time to know your kids deeply and care for their inner worlds.
• How you respond in your kids' hardest moments.
• How you repair after you mess up.
• Your commitment to reflection and growth.

Change, healing, and growth is always possible.

It can be so tempting to look at all the moments we have messed up with our kids, but don’t forget to celebrate the good ones too. There are many moments to be grateful for.