Is Authenticity the Key to Unconditional Love?

When I was a little girl, I got the memo loud and clear: 

“You’ll be loved when you are happy and cheerful.” 

Most of us were conditioned, in a myriad of ways, to project a mask to the world in order to be loved and accepted. We learned that authenticity was dangerous. 

So much of the work we do with parents focuses on rewiring our nervous system with an orientation toward safety when we are congruent. 

Meaning… that we can effectively communicate our authentic truth (while embodying non-violence) to others, knowing that we will still be loved and accepted. 

This radical act demonstrates to our children that they can share all of themselves with us and that our love and support are unconditional. 

We can’t give our children what we don’t have ourselves. This is the power of your personal growth as a parent. How you move through the world informs how they will learn to move through the world. 

It’s the most beautiful opportunity we have. 

“Tell Me More”

Practice finding an opportunity this week where you can turn towards your child and really listen to what they are saying. Without agenda. Without defensiveness. Without judgment or criticism. Without trying to fix them or the problem, they are sharing about. Instead, turn towards their words with a full presence and intention to listen. Fully. 

Use this statement: “Tell me more.” Listen. Nod. Hear them. See how much space you can create by just listening. Notice if your opinions or reactions shift as you just attune with your presence towards them. 

Bonus: reflect back what you hear them say. “I hear you saying…” with a genuine intention of wanting to hear and understand. 

Notice what shifts when we stop trying to manage and shift into presence. No answers or solutions. Just holding space and being present with our kids. It is such a gift to receive this level of attunement, space, and compassion.