The first step to peaceful parenting in a large family is to understand the dynamics of your family. Each family is unique, and it's essential to recognize each child's individual needs and personalities. Take the time to observe and understand your children's behaviors, triggers, and communication styles. This will help you tailor your parenting approach to each child and create a more peaceful environment.

In addition, it can help with limiting sibling tension and squabbles. For example, if one child is a morning person and the other isn't, or one is particularly dysregulated after school, you can put processes in place so they don’t clash. You won't be able to control this entirely, but you can help mitigate the frequency.

In our family, we allow the children to decompress after school and give them the space to do so. I try not to bombard them with questions. Additionally, if needed, I keep the youngest occupied if his siblings aren’t ready to play just yet, as he has missed them and often immediately wants to interact with them.

Set Clear Boundaries Based on Family Values

Effectively maintaining boundaries and discipline can be challenging in a large family. It can be easy to fall into the trap of using authoritarian parenting because it can feel like this has a more immediate result. And who doesn't want immediate results? However, this can lead to power struggles and a tense atmosphere.

On the flip side, you may be tempted to fall into a permissive parenting style and weaken your boundaries for the sake of an easy life in the short term. Setting clear boundaries based on your family values and principles is crucial for creating a peaceful household. Here’s how to achieve it.

Deciding what your values are is a good idea if your family does not have them clearly defined yet. Once determined, this becomes your guiding light when it is time to solve conflicts. We know that children will often push boundaries.

As the parent, you can navigate this by inviting your child to work collaboratively with you to find a solution within the framework of your family values and principles. This can look like offering your child two different options, which still honor the family value system but allow your child to be part of the conflict resolution process. 

Encourage Open Communication

Communication is key in any relationship, and it's especially important in a large family. Encourage open communication with your children, and create a safe space for them to express their feelings and thoughts. This will help them feel heard and understood.

Regular family meetings can also be a great way to address any issues and come up with solutions together. Use family meetings to promote empathy, problem-solving, and a sense of teamwork. This not only helps to strengthen your bond with your children, but it also helps the children bond with each other. 

At Jai, I was introduced to Empowered Conversations, a 10-step process designed to resolve conflict, repair disconnection, and solve problems creatively. This process, rooted in nonviolent communication, is a really helpful tool to create an environment for healthy, open communication within the family. 

Practice Equity and Equality

Equity and equality are crucial for the overall well-being of a large family, particularly in families with neurodiverse children or special needs. 

As you know, children are very big on fairness; they can sniff out anything they deem unfair from a mile away! First, you need to explain to them in an age-appropriate manner that equality means treating everyone the same. In contrast, equity means recognizing that each family member has different needs and may require different support levels or responsibilities. 

For example, the oldest might be responsible for certain chores the younger ones cannot do – they'll be given different chores. Yes, these chores might seem easier, but that's equity. One child may need extra help getting ready in the morning because they find attending school difficult and they get anxious. It's okay to give that child extra help and more attention in the morning because the others do not need you in the same way – that's equity. 

These two concepts are essential because when one child is perceived as the favorite or gets special treatment, it can create feelings of inadequacy and resentment. But striving for equity and equality helps each family member to feel valued and respected, leading to a stronger bond and a sense of belonging. The needs of a child are not linear. Needs will naturally change as they grow and develop but will also be determined by life events such as illness. 

In our family, equity, and equality are discussed often, and we ensure any changes are clearly communicated and understood by the whole family.

Prioritize Self-Care

Parenting a large family can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Taking time for self-care is crucial to avoid burnout and maintain your well-being. This can include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with friends. When you take care of yourself, you'll be better equipped to handle parenting challenges and create a more peaceful and loving home for your family. 

You will need to be very intentional with this, and it will need to be scheduled into your weekly calendar. Otherwise, you will find that you will neglect to take time for yourself. For example, there might be weeks when you think too much is happening for you to take a break, or you feel energetic and think you don't need it. However, it's important to take consistent breaks and make it part of your routine. Don’t wait until you're totally drained because then it actually takes you longer to feel well-rested.

In our family, everyone is encouraged to take regular breaks. If your children do several extracurricular activities or have a full schedule, build in days for them to take a break. If your weekends are always jam-packed, consider slowing down on Sundays and having a day when nothing is scheduled. Encouraging the whole family to take regular breaks from screens is also particularly important. In our household, getting the children out of the house for a walk or to play in the garden is the best way to combat objections to screen breaks! 

Finally, I would like to share with you the mindset that I use in parenting my large family: to “embrace the chaos.” The chaos is actually part of the fun!



Some days, it is crazy, and you feel completely overwhelmed, but others, you are completely overwhelmed by love. Embrace both ends of the spectrum. Lead with love, prioritize the connection and relationship with your children, and help them prioritize the relationship with each other and deal with each day as it comes.