Meet Jai Certified Coach Lisa Smith of The Peaceful Parent

"I was devastated three years into my parenting to find myself angry and reactive all the time around my child.

He was just a sweet, innocent little boy. I would wake up every morning and I would say, “today's the day I'm not going to yell.” It was like a diet. Just replace “I'm not going to eat carbs” with I'm not going to yell. By five o'clock, I was eating bread, yelling and drinking Chardonnay."

Graduation Date: 2014

Question 1: What inspired you to become a parenting coach through the Jai Institute?

I like to say if yelling were an Olympic sport, I would come from a dynasty of gold medalists. I was raised in a household of yellers. That's how I grew up. Fourteen years into my marriage, my husband and I decided to have a child. I did not want to be my parents. I thought I was cured of the impacts of my family’s conflict style because I had amazing relationships. I was kind, I was friendly, people liked me. I was the leader of my organization and I led without yelling. 

So, I was devastated three years into my parenting to find myself angry and reactive all the time around my child. He was just a sweet, innocent little boy. I would wake up every morning and I would say, “today's the day I'm not going to yell.” It was like a diet. Just replace “I'm not going to eat carbs” with I'm not going to yell. By five o'clock, I was eating bread, yelling and drinking Chardonnay. 

When I looked around, everybody looked like they were doing it right. I just couldn't figure out how to get there myself. I felt alone and guilty and ashamed. My heart was heavy at how I was parenting my kid. One day my son and I had this blow up, he was five. He was yelling at me and I was yelling at him for yelling at me. I was thinking in that moment, “who taught him this?” and then this voice came and said, “Me, I'm teaching him this.” 

I surrendered that day to the universe. I mean, that might sound corny, but it's true. I can remember where I was standing, what I was wearing. It was a pivotal moment in my life. As the universe works, shortly thereafter, the solution fell into my lap. In July, a friend of mine was doing a call about parent coaching and they invited people to come. By the end of the call, I was signed up for parent coach training, originally just for my own education and transformation. 



Halfway through the program, I just felt the calling, which I had never felt in any profession before. 

The transformation for our family was immediate and dramatic. I wanted to share that with everybody. I wanted the world to know. I wanted all the people that felt alone, that felt lost, that felt like they were broken, or they were going to ruin their kids, that there is hope. At any point you can create a new way, a new relationship with your children.

Question 2: What obstacles or fears did you need to overcome to enroll in the training?

I really didn't. It was, it was for me a pretty big, “Hell yes!” I went initially just for my own growth. So there weren’t a lot of expectations on my back. I didn't go into it thinking I was going to have this massive parent coaching business that I actually have today. For me, it was originally about wanting to get the help. I am a student of Tony Robbins and he says, “When you have a problem, you go straight to the experts.”  I could see that the Jai Institute was the leading expert in parent coaching. So I Knew was going to get the best help that I could get that would make the biggest impact.

Question 3: What was the best part of the training you received?

The tools and, and the freedom to interpret the tools with my own lens and apply them to my family in a way that worked.

Question 4: How has this program impacted you and your family?

How much time do you have? I mean, seriously. I have to reach for a tissue cause we're going to get teary eyed here. 

Let me say this, what I've learned is how powerful modeling is for children, kids don't do what we say, they do what we do. I had to unlearn what was modeled for me and learn a new way. That has been so powerful as my son continues to grow and change and enter new phases. I've been able to take that tool, that powerful tool with me every step of the way, and then take it into other areas of my life and other relationships. So that has had a huge impact. 

The other big impact that I've really learned through this work, is how to regulate myself in times of stress. Again, not something that was modeled in my home growing up. There was no quest for regulation. There was a lot of dysregulation and maybe even some weird pride around the dysregulation. The impact has been tremendous. The other thing that's happened, is I have a system and a plan, and that brings a lot of confidence. It's a beacon that can guide me through the years. I now have a 16 year old. I started when he was six . So, we've been through a lot and he's a full-contact-sport strong-willed kid. Having this system means I’m not bouncing all over the place. I equate it to someone who's yo yo dieting. This week they’re trying this plan and next week they’re eating cabbage soup, and then we're doing no carbs, then low fat. I'm not yoyo parenting anymore because I have this path I'm going down that I feel confident works. I've seen the results. I've had the opportunity to work with other people and see their results. When you have a path, the confidence and calmness that brings really is priceless.

Question 5: Tell me about your business, how are you using what you learned?

I help parents of strong-willed kids. I help them calm the chaos and create the connection. I do that by helping them move from using threats, rewards and punishments as their primary communication tool. I help them create deep connections so the cooperation will follow. 

I do that in a variety of different ways. I offer one on one coaching, group coaching and free resources. I've written a book. I also offer online self-paced courses. I’m incredibly blessed to have an audience of over 100,000 parents on facebook who I get to inspire and offer hope.

Question 6: What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I'm most proud of helping create hope in the world. When a family interacts with me, whether it's on a free webinar or a one on one coaching or a Facebook live, I always say, if you hear nothing else, hear this: You're not alone. You're not broken, nothing's gone wrong. There is hope. So, when people come back to me and say, “Lisa, you made me feel less alone. You showed me I can have hope for my family.” That’s what I'm proud of.