Meet Jai Certified Parent Coach, Désirée Ferrari

Désirée saw such radical changes in her relationship with her children after taking Jai’s parent coaching program that she knew she couldn’t stop there. Now years into her coaching business, she supports other parents of teens who are struggling the way she was.

Graduation Date: 2016

Question 1: What inspired you to become a parenting coach through the Jai Institute?

I knew somebody who was getting certified and she needed a case study. She offered for me to go through the 10-week peaceful parenting program for free in exchange for being her case study. I was in such desperate need I broke down in tears when she offered that opportunity to me.

I had just discovered conscious parenting shortly before that. It matched the way I always felt in my heart that I wanted to parent. So, I went through the 10-week program with her and the results I got in my own personal healing as a mother and what happened for my children, was just the beginning of so much change for us. I felt that (given how bad things were) my son was going to move out at 18 and I would probably almost never see him again because he would be unlikely to ever want to talk to me. Things were that bad. 

The shifts we experienced in that 10 weeks were so massive I thought,, "What if I could learn how to do this? What if I can help other families the way this helped us?” 

I knew I was not the only parent struggling that bad.  I had heard parents for years talk about how intense it was parenting teenagers, and there I was in the thick of it. I knew there were more parents like me out there who needed this as desperately as I did. If I could give to someone else what was given to me and my family, I absolutely wanted to do that.

Question 2: What obstacles or fears did you need to overcome to enroll in the training?

I don't think I had any major ones. I know I love to learn, and I know I'm teachable. As far as the investment goes, people can say that it’s a lot of money, but what was my relationship with my son worth? To me, it’s priceless. 

There were times he just, he was so miserable. He literally wanted to die. I didn’t know how to help him and when I tried it just made things worse. Being given the opportunity to learn skills that allow me to connect with him in a way that opened him up more and brought us closer together, I would have paid anything for that.

He's 18 now, still living at home and in no rush to move out. He knows that once he does, he has a place that's always home. I would’ve gladly paid you $20,000 or more for that element alone. And if someone would’ve told me that I could have the relationship with my son that I have with him today? OMG! Priceless! I knew I was gaining something so valuable that I couldn’t give them the money fast enough. And I was right.

Question 3: What was the best part of the training you received?

Going through the first 10-weeks of the program and working on myself as a parent, because that helps me to really relate to my clients now. 

I've been there on the struggle side of things, I've been there on the learning side and felt the total relief of discovering that there's a way through the struggle and pain we were caught in. I've been there when you reach the healing side and realize, this is how life is for us now. Sometimes I can’t even believe where we used to be and where we are now and I’m overwhelmed with appreciation to the point of tears.

Our life as a family is nothing like it was before, because of the things I learned through the Jai program. I really think going through that first 10 weeks of the program, learning and doing the healing myself, connects me heart to heart and soul to soul with my clients because I literally know where they are and I know I can help them through it.

Question 4: How has this program impacted you and your family?

Massively. Our communication is so different. The way I listen to my children is different. I no longer see them as ‘the problem.’ I recognize my own power to create struggle in a situation. 

Because of the program, I know I have the power to change it. It’s not like, “you created it, you're the bad mother.” It’s just recognizing that because I had the power to create it, I have the power to change it. 

So it's actually a beautiful thing. I’ve learned how to handle anger and how to share my anger with my children, without it putting it on them. I have the ability to tell them that I’m upset and why, without getting caught up in my feelings. Learning the language of feelings and needs was a huge change. 

I'm an all-around better mom and a healthier, happier person. My happiness allows me to be a better mom for my kids. I love seeing how they're thriving in a conscious parenting environment, in a home where they know that what they say matters. It's still my job to make all the final decisions as the parent, but they know they have genuine input and that their feelings are real and valid.

Question 5: Tell me about your business, how are you using what you learned?

I have a group on Facebook now that has a little over 270 people in it. So many parents tell me that they're just so glad to know that they're not the only ones struggling.  It's like this massive exhale that they've been waiting to release forever. 

They're so grateful to know that they have a safe space to share the stuff that sucks about raising teenagers in particular. To know that they can say, “Yeah, this is hard and this sucks and I love my kids more than anything in the world.” You can feel both ways. I’m able to relate and to let them know “I understand, I feel you, I hear you”. I love sharing anything I've learned that can help them just a little. To give them something that gives them some hope when they think that there's none just puts a little bit of light in that darkness. It's awesome!

I haven’t done groups outside of Facebook yet, but I'm really interested in that. Right now, I work with private clients. I love working with my private clients! They are just so grateful that I get it.  They know I really hear them. I also help them to see from their child's perspective, so they can see the other side of whatever is going on. 

Then they’re really able to connect with their kids in the same way I've learned to really connect with mine on a deeper level, to really hear them and to hear their feelings and the needs underneath the behavior. Like when teenagers lash out at you or they're sitting with their hair over their eyes or their hood over their head, they're communicating with you. The question is, what are they saying? They may not be articulating it, but they are very clearly communicating with you. Our kids need our support. They don't need our punishment. They don't need our admonishment. They don’t need our anger or resentment because this isn’t easy for us.

They need us to hear them screaming for help. They need us to help them figure out what they’re needing so we can meet those needs. They need us to do our own healing so we are in a place where we can meet them where they are and help them through these challenging years that are also hard for them. So I help my clients recognize what their kid is saying and what they’re needing and then help them figure out what to do so they can connect with them and truly help them. It’s such beautiful work! It's so fun and I really, really love it!

Question 6: What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I've always loved to help people. I've always loved to talk to people, to listen to people. To know that I can do that in a way that is genuinely helping people on a very deep level is incredible! Nothing is more personal than your parenting or healing your own parenting past. I can genuinely go deep with my clients and help them with something that means so much to them.  And this meaningful, rewarding work I’m doing supports my family. I'm helping others and it supports my family and makes me a better mom because I’m constantly reminded of all of things I learned from the Jai program while I’m coaching my clients so it’s fresh on my mind when I’m with my own kids. 

I get off the phone with a client and I'm lit up and bouncing down the stairs, ready to be mom of the year. It's really enriching to my own parenting. Getting to help others while it helps my family financially and gives me so much time to spend with my kids is a dream. I can work from home. I can travel to see my family and work while I'm there with them. This is literally MY DREAM. 

And all along it makes me a better mom.