Building a Positive Relationship with Failure

I have a question for you:

How much do you believe that mistakes are learning opportunities? And how much does that belief show up in your family culture?

Maybe you are 100% on board philosophically with this concept. Even with this brain understanding and commitment, our family culture may still be filled with intolerance for mistakes. It takes time to rewire patterns internally and within our family systems. And together as a community, we walk towards these big ideas slowly and with courage.

So, how do you show your kids that it’s okay to make mistakes? How do you support them to feel their pain and learn their lessons without drowning in shame or getting defensive and wanting to run away?

Here is a simple idea to try on with your family.

The Failure Bow

Here’s how it works:

Every time someone makes a mistake, that person takes a failure bow. Yes, they literally bow as if they have just done something marvelous. The rest of the family claps to celebrate their mistake. Create space to hear the person’s learning and then give them that fast pass back into their belonging and connection within the family.

• Someone breaks a glass on the floor - take a failure bow.
• Someone says something hurtful to someone else and realizes they shouldn’t have said mean words - take a failure bow and celebrate the learning.
• Someone gets a D on the test - take a failure bow, and talk about what happened.

It feels provocative, doesn’t it?

You will have to practice discernment with your family about when it may be comfortable and when it may not be comfortable to use this tool. Go slow, try it on with the ‘easy’ mistakes, and then see if you can expand into the ‘harder’ ones.

And remember, big shifts in our family culture begin with tiny steps.