Am I doing it right?

At Jai, we hold a core belief: Every person, whether a child or adult, is doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment.

Doing our best doesn’t mean we’ll always act “good.” 

It means we act in ways that reflect how much or little we feel safe, connected, or regulated on the inside. 

When we or our children act out with challenging behaviors (and let’s be honest, adults do it too), it’s usually because there’s pain, unmet needs, or nervous system dysregulation underneath the surface.

Try this on:


“If you could, you would. And when you can, you will.”

What do you notice in your body as you read that?

A softening? An eye roll? Resistance? Relief?

Whatever it is… that’s a doorway into deeper self-understanding.

Here’s what brain science tells us:
The brain doesn’t grow from shame, criticism, or punishment.
It grows through support, safety, and relationships.

Think of the best teacher or mentor you’ve ever had.

Were they yelling at you to “do better”?
Or were they firm, respectful, and deeply invested in your success?

When children feel empowered, they grow.
When parents feel empowered, they grow, too.

That’s what we do at Jai. We help parents reconnect to their power. Not power over their children, but power with—the kind that comes from self-awareness, emotional attunement, and conscious leadership.

It begins with us…Looking inward…Getting curious about why we parent the way we do and exploring what’s possible when we start to shift.

Look Beneath the Behavior

The next time a challenging behavior shows up—either in your child or in yourself—pause and get curious:

• What might be happening beneath the surface?
  
  
• What’s the feeling?
  
  
• What’s the unmet need?
  
  
• What’s being expressed, even if unskillfully?

This kind of reflection opens the door to real connection. It helps us move from reactivity to relationship.

Why It Works: 

Most of us were taught to manage behavior with control through punishment, rewards, or correction. But that approach focuses only on the surface.

Here’s the truth:
All behavior is communication.

Imagine a child who lashes out with unkind words because they feel jealous. If we shut it down with shame, we miss the moment. But if we name the feeling—“I wonder if you’re feeling left out right now?”—we build emotional literacy. And that skill serves them for life.

Have you ever felt jealous as an adult? Of course you have. And you learned how to manage it (mostly). Let’s help our kids learn that too, not by punishing the behavior, but by understanding the feeling that fuels it.

Through the Coach Lens:

When we train Jai-certified coaches, we teach a framework called Root to Bloom. This simple yet powerful model helps parents understand what’s driving behavior at the root level, so we can nourish the emotional soil that supports real change.

When we only react to behavior, we miss the opportunity for deeper growth. But when we understand the roots, everything changes.

Parenting today asks more of us than ever before. And still… you’re here.

Choosing to grow. Choosing to lead with presence and heart. That matters.

Every misbehavior is an invitation:

Not to control, but to connect.
Not to punish, but to understand.
Not to ignore, but to teach.

We’re so honored to walk this path alongside you.