Understanding the Source of Parental Anxiety

Anxiety in parenting is sneaky, and can show up in ways that we don’t even think of … 

• Giving our kids help when they don’t need it
• Saving our kids from their feelings
• Constantly doubting ourselves as parents
• Struggling with setting limits
• Labeling our children
• Not giving them space when they need it

These are all rooted in anxiety, and are a result of not having secure attachments in our own childhood. We need to re-establish that environment in a healthy way as adults. This is even more important than focusing on our child’s behavior. Otherwise the insecure attachment and unhealed anxiety response continues on and on, unless we stop the cycle with us.

If our level of anxiety depends on our child's behavior, imagine how anxious our children feel when they view themselves as the source of our anxiety?

Parenting gives us the opportunity to heal our insecure attachment as adults, and prevent us from repeating this pattern with our own kids.

What is normal parental anxiety?

Anxiety can stem from various sources, ranging from genetic factors and past experiences to daily life stressors. Parenthood itself can also trigger anxiety, as the responsibility of caring for a child often comes with an increased level of worry and concern. In and of itself, some anxiety is a natural part of life and parenting.

Believe it or not, if you’re an anxious parent, you do have strengths you can build upon!

Here are your super-powers as an anxious parent:

• You are caring 
• You value self-improvement 
• You’re naturally good at empathy & attunement
• You take parenting seriously 
• You’re considerate about how your actions impact your kids

For every challenge your anxieties create, remember that there is a superpower because you care so much!

However, if you are at the point where your anxiety crosses over into interfering with your life and decision-making and affecting your relationships, it’s time to look into getting the support you deserve. 

Cycles of anxiety can stop with us. When you commit to change now, your children and their children get the benefit of your courageous choices.

The Impact of Parental Anxiety on Children

Parental anxiety can inadvertently affect children in different ways. Young children are highly attuned to their parents' emotions and can sense when something is amiss. They may pick up on the signs of anxiety, such as restlessness, irritability, or frequent reassurance-seeking, which can create an atmosphere of unease and uncertainty. 

Additionally, children may internalize their parents' anxiety and develop similar anxious tendencies themselves. This can manifest as excessive worry, separation anxiety, or difficulty coping with stress. That’s why it is essential to recognize the potential impact of parental anxiety and take proactive steps to manage it.

Calming Your Anxiety and Promoting a Healthy Family Environment

You may be wondering, ‘How do I get over parental anxiety?’ 

Here are some ways you can work towards lowering your anxiety so you can create the calm and supportive environment you need to help your family thrive.

• Self-awareness: Start by acknowledging and accepting your anxiety. Understand that it is a valid emotion, it will ebb and flow; it is not part of your identity, and does not make you any less capable as a parent. Recognize your triggers and patterns, and be mindful of how they may affect your interactions with your child.

• Seek support: Building a support network is crucial. Reaching out to friends, family, or support groups who can offer understanding, empathy, and guidance can help. Sometimes, simply sharing your worries with someone who understands can alleviate the burden.

• Prioritize your needs: Taking care of yourself is not a luxury but a necessity. Prioritize self-care activities that help reduce your anxiety, such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy. Allocate time for relaxation and self-reflection to recharge and maintain emotional well-being.

• Establish a routine: Creating a predictable routine for yourself and your child can provide a sense of stability and reduce anxiety for everyone involved. Consistency and structure can help create a safe and secure environment, which is particularly beneficial for children who thrive on routine.

• Open communication: Encourage open and honest communication within your family. Create an atmosphere where your child feels comfortable expressing their feelings, fears, and concerns. Actively listen to your child, validate their emotions, and provide reassurance and support when needed.

• Mindful parenting: Practice being present in the moment with your child. Mindfulness can help reduce anxiety by focusing your attention on the present rather than worrying about the future. Engage in activities together that promote connection, such as reading, playing games, doing physical activities, or simply having meaningful conversations.

• Model healthy coping strategies: Children learn by observing their parents. Demonstrate healthy ways to cope with anxiety, such as deep breathing exercises, positive self-talk, or engaging in relaxation techniques. By modeling these behaviors, you can equip your child with valuable tools to manage their own anxieties.

• Professional help: If your anxiety significantly impacts your daily functioning or persists despite your best efforts, consider seeking professional help. For specific parental anxiety, a parenting coach can provide tools to help you self-regulate and calm your nervous system to feel more peace and grounding as a parent, especially in your interactions with your children. If the intensity and impact of your anxiety have reached a level beyond that, a mental health professional can provide specialized guidance, therapy, or medication if necessary. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and can positively impact you and your child.

Parenting with anxiety is undoubtedly challenging, but it does not define your ability to be an excellent parent. Many healthy, happy children grow up in homes with an anxious mother, father, or caregiver. The key is that the caregiver takes the necessary steps to address what is happening for them and gets the support they need in one form or another.

By understanding the unmet needs or underlying patterns of your anxiety, recognizing its impact on your children, and actively implementing strategies to manage it, you can model healthy coping skills and create a loving and supportive family environment. 

In addressing your anxiety, you will teach your children important lessons about navigating life’s challenges, learning new skills, and asking for help when needed. 

Remember to prioritize your well-being and seek outside support when needed, as long-term change requires ongoing support. Together as a family, you can navigate the journey of parenting with anxiety and raise confident, resilient, emotionally intelligent children.

If you’re interested in finding ways to reduce stress and anxiety, increase connection and reduce conflict as a parent, check out our FREE Peaceful Parenting Course here.

Meet Your Author, Katie Owen

Jai Business Coach & Marketing Mentor

As a former practicing therapist turned copywriter and marketing strategist, Katie is passionate about the intersection of marketing and mindset. Katie embodies the practices of taking the simple actions, consistently over time, that create epic results.

A master storyteller, Katie works with our coaches to refine their message, increase their visibility and get clients!