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The Origins of Jai: An Interview with Kiva Schuler
Kiva Schuler • Feb 16, 2022
The Origins of Jai: An Interview with Kiva Schuler

While Kiva pretty much operates in the background of Jai every day, (she’s the best boss we could imagine ever working for!!) we thought it would be fun for our Jai master business coach, Katie Owen, to interview Kiva!

If you ever get to know Kiva (which you will if you ever attend one of our webinars, and more closely as a Jai Certified Parenting Coach, because Kiva hosts our semi-annual coaches’ conference) you’ll meet one of the highest integrity, deeply vulnerable, and forward thinking leaders… Kiva is committed to having this business represent the new model of conscious business, that lifts everyone who we touch through our work here at The Jai Institute for Parenting.


Question 1

Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?


As a child of divorced parents, I had the unique perspective of two very different approaches to family systems. My mom was (and is!) a brilliant, ambitious woman. When I was just 4 years old she packed us up and moved us to New York to pursue a career in journalism. Back then, there were not support systems for single, working mothers, and so while I had a front row seat to the feminist movement, and still see my mom as my hero, I was left to fend for myself in many ways. My mom’s stress and anxiety were a constant concern for me, and I learned at a very young age to keep myself safe by keeping her happy. 


On the other hand, my father remarried a very traditionally guided woman, who parented me and my half-brother, her son, with punitive and manipulative actions. My little brother would have his mouth washed out with soap as punishment for something that she thought was funny the day before. 


One day, he was being punished for not finishing his dinner. He was sitting at the dining room table. The fishsticks had gone soggy and cold. And he wasn’t allowed to get up until the plate was clean. He was gagging on the food. And I had this powerful moment of clarity:


“When I become a parent, I am going to learn to do it right, and to be fair and kind to my children.”


I never forgot that promise. But like so many parents… I was going to be the perfect parent
until I had my kids. When I did finally become a parent, I quickly realized that intention wasn’t enough. I had to heal, learn and grow to step into a new, more peaceful and connected role as a parent. 


Question 2

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear your story


Because my mom was so successful in her career, I knew the price I would pay to continue to climb the ladder in corporate. Before kids, I worked in finance. I loved what I did, but there was no space within that industry to give anything less than all of myself. 


And I wanted most of my time and energy to be available for my children. 


I left my job when they were just toddlers, and I thought I was done, and that I would be a stay-at-home mom. 


Well, I was watching Barack Obama’s first inaugural address in 2009, and he said (I am paraphrasing) that it is the responsibility of every single person to use their intellectual and creative talents to make the world a better place. 


My kids were happily playing on the floor. I’d gone from being a VP at an investment management company to teaching aerobics twice a week. 


I had a gut punch moment. Yes, I was raising my kids. But, was I truly making the world a better place to the best of my abilities? I had to reconcile the truth: I was not. While I loved being a Mama, I knew I had to do more. For me, it felt like there had to be a both/and. There had to be a way that I could be present for my children and still create value for others. 


That launched my first (failed) business. But what I’ve learned after 12 years of self-employment is that failing forward is the path to success. Because all my failures led me to founding Jai in 2011. 


It is the perfect expression of my life story… the suffering I experienced and witnessed as a child, and the power of entrepreneurship for women. Not only has The Jai Institute for Parenting given me an incredible opportunity to be there for my children in the way that I want to be, but it gives parents all over the world the ability to become Parenting Coaches and to have a business that provides for their families with a great sense of purpose and impact while giving them more flexibility to spend time at home with their kids. 


Question 3

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?


There are so many people that have helped me to grow into the leader that I am today, it is difficult to identify just one. 


I’m going to say that collectively, the clients and customers I have served over the years played the biggest role in shaping the integrity and values that guide my decisions and actions today. 


In my early years, I wasn’t always the best receiver of negative feedback. I was “sure” it was their fault, and not mine. And so I’d get defensive and churn through customers. I eventually got the message. My business (and by extension, my success) wasn’t going to make it unless I learned to deliver impeccably on the promises I made to the people I served through my various ventures.


“Good decisions come from experience. And experience comes from bad decisions.” 


Owning a business is incredibly humbling. It requires you to take responsibility for the outcomes of your actions in so many ways. Being confronted with unhappy customers can be scary. But doing the work of staying humble and being open to doing better is what has allowed me to create a business that powerfully delivers on the promise we make to our customers.


I am so proud that today, after all these years of learning these hard lessons, that we have less than a 0.05% withdrawal rate from our programs, and that is usually because of an unexpected illness or circumstance. We get rave reviews from our students, and they regularly share that we’ve changed their lives. ((Sob.))


Question 4

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?


One of the funniest (and most embarrassing!) was when my kids were still pretty young and I was hosting a webinar for 300 or so parents on peaceful parenting. I think every working mother can relate, but I was trying to lead this presentation and the kids were in a full blown bicker fest over… something?? 


I kept trying to mute my line to keep my audience from hearing the chaos, but I got flustered and UNMUTED just at the moment that I yelled at them
“I NEED YOU TO BE QUIET! I AM ON A CALL WITH 300 PEOPLE!!” 


I almost died. But it illustrates a beautiful aspect of what we teach: peaceful parenting isn’t about being a perfect parent.


Question 5

The road to success is hard and requires tremendous dedication. This question is obviously a big one, but what advice would you give to a young person who aspires to follow in your footsteps and emulate your success?


It sounds so simple, but start at the beginning. One small step toward the success that you want taken consistently over time is far more likely to create that success than trying to make a big huge leap. 


It is vital that you understand your customer, what they want, and how you can help them solve their problems.


And finally, it’s not personal. The success of a business is wholly dependent on your ability to meet the needs of your customers. Not how smart, creative or driven you are as a person. 


Question 6

Is there a particular book, film, or podcast that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?


Way back in the early days of my entrepreneurial adventures, I read Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. This is the first book I ever read where I felt like a different person after I read it than the person I was before I read it. Being able to communicate clearly and effectively is a key skill for all relationships, and especially as a leader. Communication is a huge part of what we teach our Parenting Coaches here at The Jai Institute. 


Question 7

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?


“People who get what they want ask for it.” 


My early childhood experiences created a trauma adaptation of fierce independence and an unwillingness to ask for help. It’s a sneaky combination of not wanting to bother other people, while also believing the lie that I should be able to do everything for myself to be truly worthy of success. 


I used to be so scared of asking for help, that I would have my kids go ask the grocery store clerk where the orange juice was. I pretended that it was in the name of developing their confidence… but nope. I was simply too uncomfortable for me to ask!

I love this mantra because it reminds me that it’s ok to ask for and receive help. It is also ok when someone says ‘no’ to my request. Asking for help, or asking for what we want has no bearing on our worthiness or deservingness. It’s just asking. 


I still have to remind myself
that this is OK! Better than OK actually… It is necessary for me to get where I want to go. 


Question 8

Any final words?


I would just say to trust your passion and purpose! I believe we are all here to make a difference in our time on the planet. It is fleeting. There is no time to waste. So many people need our passion and purpose in their lives. And if, like me, you are passionate about helping children to experience mental wellness and more connection with their parents for their whole lives, then consider joining us at The Jai Institute for Parenting as a Transformational Parenting Coach. It is the best, best, best work on the planet (not that I’m biased!) 


You can learn more about our certification program
here!



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