As a parent coach, clients are looking to you for your expertise and ability to skillfully support them through important family transformations. Your ability to convey confidence in yourself matters. When you’re starting out (and sometimes even after you’ve been at it for awhile) you may feel that your confidence could use a boost.
Here’s some great news: even if you don’t feel confident,
research
shows that acting confident works even more effectively than actual achievement or past experience in creating trust.
So in the short term, don’t worry about feeling a profound sense of confidence. Turns out this is an area where you can fake it ‘til you make it.
Like any other change, actually building confidence is about more than just theory. Practice is the key to establishing the foundation of internal reassurance that only confidence can give you. And when you’re confident, going out into the world to share your work and get new clients feels a whole lot easier.
Building up your confidence doesn’t have to be a serious grind either. Have fun reimagining what your life and business will look and feel like when you make shifts that result in a deeper sense of confidence. It’s the perfect way to stay motivated while you’re building your new life.
And remember, you don’t have to increase your confidence, you
get
to increase your confidence.
1) Wake up and Choose Confidence
Shifting into a place of deeper confidence begins with making a loving and conscious choice. Because changing patterns and seeing things differently only happens through taking intentional steps. Most people would like to increase their confidence, that’s a given. The real questions to ask yourself are:
- Are you willing to lovingly support yourself to take action?
- Are you committed to doing things that stretch the walls of your comfort zone?
- Are you open to truly seeing yourself in a new light?
Like everything else, growing your confidence is a choice. It doesn’t happen by accident. It is a muscle. The beauty is, you have much more influence than you probably think you do.
2) Emotional Alchemy: Turn Fear into Excitement
Our brains are unbelievably fascinating and mysterious places. Their main job is mostly trying to keep us alive. That’s why it’s not surprising that they sometimes default to levels of fear normally associated with jumping out of a plane, when all you’re really trying to do is give a talk at a mom’s group so you can grow your business.
We’re still learning so much about ourselves and our human operating systems. So every time I learn about a manual override technique that helps you get out of your own way, I’m all ears.
It turns out there’s a secret trick to turn fear into excitement. (Well, sort of.)
When I first heard this next tip, I will admit, it sounded a little hard to believe. But, once upon a time, in a moment of desperation I put it to the test. I’ve also recommended it to others who have used it with surprising success. Now it’s not a magic wand, but nothing really is. It’s more like the boost you need to get over an otherwise potentially insurmountable hump.
Here’s the key:
Your hypothalamus reacts the same way to fear as it does to excitement. (But let’s be real, when you’re excited it sure feels like a totally different sensation.) Excitement is much easier to tolerate and often propels us forward, as opposed to fear which makes most people want to run and hide.
Now stay with me here, because what I’m about to say is kind of hard to believe. (Don’t knock it until you try it. For real.)
When you feel fear and you’d rather feel excitement, simply say to yourself, “I am so excited!” I like to do it out loud if possible. It sounds like this, “I am SO excited to be in front of this group! I can’t wait to tell them all about the work I do! I am SO excited for this presentation!” Keep saying it. You don’t have to believe it, in fact you likely won’t at first. Believing it is not required.
All you have to do is just keep telling yourself you’re excited and see for yourself what happens!
3) Look Confident, Feel Confident
Let me be clear, this is not about becoming someone you’re not. This is about putting in the time you deserve to feel like you are presenting yourself in an authentic way and also in a light that says to you and others, “I care about myself and I’m worth the effort.”
What matters most here is the signal you send to yourself. Most of us get a real boost of confidence when we have an event to go to where we put extra effort into our appearance. We choose our clothes intentionally and make sure our hair looks the way we want it to so when we arrive we feel good about ourselves. Well, it’s time to start thinking about your life and business as an event that’s worth getting ready for! Make it part of your overall routine and just see what happens.
The secondary benefit is that, like it or not, first impressions have an impact on how people see you. As a professional parenting coach, people are evaluating you to see if they want to work with you. Effort in your appearance conveys a message that you are professional, take yourself seriously and put effort into your work.
I’m not suggesting you wear a three piece suit. Jeans are perfect if they feel most authentic and are what you are comfortable in. It’s not about conforming to anyone else’s opinions or vision, it’s simply about being the best version of your truest self.
And don’t forget your posture! Standing up tall with your shoulders back and chin up instantly makes you feel like a different, more confident version of yourself. It only takes one moment of conscious thought to implement this transformative move.
4) Remember You Are Human (and so is everyone else)
The standards we hold ourselves to are often much higher than what we hold other people to. Frankly they often look a lot like perfectionism. When we refuse to give ourselves permission to be less than perfect, we set ourselves up for failure. Failure that we then use to prove to ourselves that we’re not capable of doing the work or getting what we want.
Neither of these conclusions are true. I always say, perfectionism is the perfect way to ruin your business. It’s a mirage and an unattainable (and frankly overrated) goal. So, what’s the alternative?
Your mind will tell you that the alternative is that you should just keep working to attain perfection, then you’ll finally be ready.
Given that that is the equivalent of having a financial plan that relies on you winning the lottery, let me propose something else:
- What about giving yourself full permission to be human and make mistakes?
- What if you learned how to be more loving and supportive to yourself in those moments instead of unrealistically trying to avoid them?
When you approach mistakes or unforeseen challenges in this way, you also give others permission to do the same.
When you handle moments of imperfection or struggle (tech problems anyone?) with grace, humor and humanity, the whole situation loses its charge. These things don’t have to be stressful. They will be what we make them.
Can you remember a time when you watched someone screw up and they simply handled it calmly and didn’t allow it to shift the entire situation into chaos?
Learning to roll with things and remain loving, calm and human can be an important signal to prospective clients that you are someone who is grounded and who can create a space for them that is secure and safe.
Repeat after me: I am allowed to make mistakes.
5) Exhibit A - Look At the Evidence
Make a list of ALL the things you have ever accomplished. Seriously. The longer the better. Everything you’re good at. Everything you have overcome. Everything you have ever learned or done that you thought you couldn’t.
Programmed the clock on the stove? Put it on the list. (Then tell me how you did it, because it’s not on my list.) Planned a wedding… learned a language… figured out how to use Zoom… followed a recipe you thought was above your pay grade… gave a presentation… completed a certification course? They all belong on the list. Keep adding to it. Pretend you are making it for your best friend to convince her that she is totally capable of doing whatever she sets her mind to!
Our minds are often skewed towards the moments in life where we feel we didn’t succeed. But the truth is we have far more successes than we generally allow ourselves to consider. The reason why we do this? Because we think we are protecting ourselves. The only thing you’re really protecting yourself from is success.
Take action on all kinds of things in your business, big and small. Celebrate every single one of them. Spend at least as much time feeling good about yourself for making that phone call as you would have spent berating yourself for putting it off.
When a client says something complimentary about working with you and the difference it has made in their family’s life, write it down. Then frame it. Keep it in your office. Read it whenever you need to connect to the power of this work and your ability to share it with the world.
These habits are the key to seeing yourself in a new, more accurate light.
6) Private Practice – Prepare to Be Confident
Getting prepared in advance for a talk, a discovery call or a client session will put you in a more confident frame of mind. Giving yourself the time, space and attention you need to create a feeling of readiness will serve your sense of confidence very well.
This is not about perfection. What you are looking for is not the
feeling that you are completely ready. For many people the feeling doesn’t work like that. Waiting to feel ready can keep you stuck. Instead the invitation is to get prepared and then take a deep breath and do the thing.
You don’t have to do anything flawlessly the first time. Everything takes practice. The idea that some people are just talented and others are not is a dangerous and inaccurate belief.
You can build your skills, abilities and confidence in just about any area you choose. You just have to keep doing the thing. Do you presentation in front of the mirror, practice discovery calls with a friend. If it doesn’t go well right off the hop, great! What did you learn? How can you do it differently next time? Your attitude here is everything.
Don’t be afraid to do your research. Just don’t do it instead of taking action. Read books, watch videos and connect with people who are building their businesses and confidence just like you.
Community is a very important part of increasing your confidence and supporting you to reach new heights!
Every single time you take action you are showing yourself what you’re capable of. You can only fail if you stop trying.
If it helps, take the focus off of your feelings, Focus on the work and the profound transformation it offers. You are the vehicle to bring this work out into the world. Your job is to get this work in the hands of the people who need it most.
Now go out, take action and give yourself a reason to feel confident! And remember, the success lies in taking action, NOT in the outcome of that action.
Meet Your Author, Katie Owen
Jai Business Coach & Marketing Mentor
As a former practicing therapist turned copywriter and marketing strategist, Katie is passionate about the intersection of marketing and mindset. Katie embodies the practices of taking the simple actions, consistently over time, that create epic results.
A master storyteller, Katie works with our coaches to refine their message, increase their visibility and get clients!
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